probably have bpd but i have a job so i dont care
^ title is a reference to a stupid post that occupies my mind constantly.
anyway, id love to have treatment for my extremely intense emotions but i really dont want my life to be ruined because of a piece of paper saying i have "evil bitch disorder" and am now an irredeemable abuser that half the population hates because of it.
i think i actually have godlike emotional regulation, given how much i can mask how i feel. you look at me funny and im thinking about how evil of a person you are but i wont say it. i know im being irrational, so i dont say it. but oh BOY am i thinking it.
i relate a lot to descriptions of bpd other than the lashing out at people, mostly because of the aforementioned good emotional regulation. i think about lashing out a lot, but i don't. is that counted as bpd? fuck if i know!